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    You may be technically correct that he’s not of your social station, but that’s of no concern to the man you’ve just insulted to his face. All of your examples are extreme, but not all men are extreme examples of anything. What I am saying – and what these men are inartfully suggesting as well – is that you don’t marry a list of traits. And if you never think outside the box, you may well find yourself standing alone at the end of the dance. Being viewed (judged) like that is the reason why many men will not even go near a woman who earns even a little bit more than he does.

    I was at a speed dating event last night for the second time.

    Just like KC’s email a few weeks ago about how she receives emails from disappointing men she meets online, you’re illustrating an amusing concern with men’s preferences in women. If he is a dishwasher and he finds you pretty, he’s going to ask you out. It’s not that a man is older than you, it’s that he’s a generation older than you. Fiona, Reading between the lines of your post I got the impression that you are a decent just trying to make your way through the world like everyone else.

    My answer to you is largely the same as my answer to her. If you don’t go out with him because you intimate that you’re “above” him on the dating food chain, it’s predictable that he might lash out at you. It’s not that he’s a few pounds overweight, it’s that he’s obese. Your choice of words, however, makes you come like a stiff snob.

    Perhaps you also want them to share your religion as well.

    While your mother may call you picky, we call you self-aware.

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